A peaceful resolution

...And so, the BARK KNIGHT and the SMALL WONDER set off for the GPS coordinates of M.E.O.W. HEADQUARTERS in KATHMANDU...

"Holy leg cramps, Bark Knight!  That was a long plane flight."

Indeed it was, Small Wonder.  Well, these are the coordinates. What a forbidding place...shall we proceed inside?


"Yeah.  Let's rescue those dog biscuits for the good of all dogkind!"

Very well then.  Forward!...

"Hey, look, Bark Knight!  That has to be..."

Yes, Small Wonder.  I believe it is none other than Katnip Evergreen, Baron von Katzenheimer's niece and assistant.  

Quietly, now.  Let's see if we can sneak past.

Katnip murmured to herself as she paged through the Evil Overlord Planner™.  "Hmmm.  What's on Uncle's schedule for today? 

'Nap.  
Repaint hideout in black. 
Send another ultimatum to P.O.U.N.D.  
Eat sardines.  
Gloat at the incompetence of dogs.  
Change Katnip's look, as it's not nearly evil enough...perhaps dye her fur black while she sleeps.'

...Wait, what?!?"

Suddenly she turned.  "Eh?  What's that?  Who's there?" 

Great Scott!  She's heard us!

The Small Wonder froze.  "Holy caught in the act, Bark Knight!" 

"Oh.  Hello," Katnip said pleasantly.  "You must be here about the dog biscuits."

"Er...yes," the Small Wonder said.  "Hand them over now, villain!

"Certainly," Katnip nodded.  She pushed the dog biscuits across the floor.

Oh.  Wow.  I, uh, wasn't expecting it to be this easy. 
Aren't you supposed to cackle evilly, monologue about your plans, and put up some sort of fight?  Or something?

Katnip sighed.  "That's my uncle's shtick.  Not mine.  To be honest, I'm glad you're here.  Uncle's plans are getting out of hand.  Now he even plans to dye my fur black.  Can you imagine?"

That sounds terrible.

"Yes, it does!  He wasn't always a villain, you know.  We used to play with balls of yarn together...tend to our catnip garden together...that hasn't happened in years.  Maybe if these dog biscuits are out of his sight, he'll forget this vendetta against dogs.  Anyway, it's worth a try.  So here, take them, with my sincere apologies."

Well, on behalf of dogs everywhere, I thank you, Katnip.  This is sure to help canine-feline foreign relations worldwide.

"I hope so.  Now you'd better go, before Uncle gets back," Katnip urged.

"Won't you be in trouble when he gets back and sees the dog biscuits are gone?" the Small Wonder asked worriedly.

"That's why I'm not hanging around," Katnip said.  "After you leave, I'm taking the first plane to St. Bernard!"

Farewell, Katnip, and good luck!  

The Dog From P.O.U.N.D., part 2

"...and so, you see, I need to access your computer to pinpoint the location from which Baron von Katzenheimer hijacked your blog post," Agent Sparky finished. 

Wow.  Uh...wow.  That's a wild story.  Forgive me if this sounds a little paranoid, but...I'm going to need to see some I.D.

"Of course," Agent Sparky said immediately.  

Hmmm...okay...that looks official.  Okay, let me show you the computer.

"Thanks.  This will take just a minute, and then I'll be out of your fur.  Mmm.  Mmm.  Mmm-hmmm...."

Are all P.O.U.N.D. operatives trained computer hackers?

"Yes, we all receive intensive technology training.  I happened to be assigned because your case is in my jurisdiction.  Mmm-hmmm...almost there..."

"Aha!  We've got it!  These are the GPS coordinates from which the Baron hacked into your computer." 

 

Wow, that's great!  So now you guys can go rescue those captive dog biscuits, right?...

Agent Sparky hesitated.  "Well...theoretically, yes.  First we have to submit a report on the situation to justify funding.  Then we have to organize a team and brief them on the mission."

Wow.  That sounds like it could take quite some time.

"Indeed.  Which reminds me...have you, by any chance, seen this dog?"

Uh.  Uh, no, sorry.  Never seen him before in my life.  --Who is he? 

"He goes by The Bark Knight.  A vigilante.  My superiors hope that they can speed up the rescue mission by going through, er, unofficial channels."

Ah, yes.  That makes sense.  

Sparky went on.  "So if you happen to see anyone matching his description, please contact me right away.  We need to find him, ASAP." 

Yessir.  I'll do that.

"Very good.  Well, I'd better get this data back to HQ as soon as I can.  Thanks for your cooperation...I'll see myself out."

*door closes behind Agent Sparky*

 .....SPUNKY!!  Come here, quick!

*sound of running feet*

"(pant, pant)  What?"  Spunky gasped, as he arrived.  "What is it?  What's wrong?" 

Is your Small Wonder costume back from the cleaners?

 "Uh, yes.  Why?  What's this about?" 

Suit up, little buddy.  It's showtime for...

THE BARK KNIGHT!

Sidekick at last!

Greetings, citizens.  It is I, the BARK KNIGHT...and I have terrific news!  

Your streets have just become even safer, because I have found a suitable sidekick. 


Introducing my new partner, THE SMALL WONDER!

"HEY!"  Spunky sputtered.  "That's NOT the name we agreed on earlier!"

Heh heh heh...I know.  Come on, show us the rest of the costume.  Strike a heroic pose and give us your signature catchphrase.

"(Sigh.)  Fine...Holy Bacon Bits, Bark Knight!"

Nicely done, Small Wonder.  You're doing well. 

"I just hope we don't get slapped with any copyright infringements," Spunky muttered.  

And so our Caped Canines race off to protect the city and usher in a new era of peace and order for its citizens.  But how long will it last?  And is Spunky really stuck with the name "Small Wonder"?  The answers to these and many more questions will be revealed in the next episode of THE BARK KNIGHT. See you next time...same BARK-time, same BARK-channel!

In search of a sidekick, continued

Previously, on THE BARK KNIGHT...

And now, on today's episode of THE BARK KNIGHT...our hero's search for a suitable sidekick continues...

Greetings, citizens.  It is I, the Bark Knight...and I am here today with our first potential sidekick candidate, Patch Benjamin Dog.  Thanks for coming in, Patch.  

"T-thanks for inviting me for an interview."

All right, let's go through the qualifications of the job.  Are you available nights and weekends?

"Y-yes.  Yes I am."

And are you resourceful and justice-minded?

"I suppose..."

And are you brave?

"Er...No.  I don't really think so."

Hmm.  Well, unfortunately this may not be the right position for you.  Thank you for your interest, though.  Could you show the next applicant in, please?...

Hello, Carrots.

"Wow, hi, Droo--uh, I mean, Mr. Bark Knight, sir!  Thanks for considering me as your sidekick!  It's an honor!"

You're welcome.  Well, let's go through the list of qualifications.  Do you consider yourself brave, resourceful, and justice-minded?

"Oh, yes.  As Easter Bunny, I have to explore all sorts of dangerous terrain and use my brain to hide Easter eggs creatively.  And I make sure all the eggs contain the same amount of candy, so it's fair."

Wow, that sounds excellent!  And are you available nights and weekends?

"Um...right, about that.  Unfortunately, I'm currently training the next batch of E.B.I.T.'s, which is taking up a good amount of my time.  So I don't think I can commit to the sidekick position right now."

Aw...that's a shame.  Well, I appreciate your coming in anyway.  If there's someone else outside, could you send them in on your way out?

 Hello, Spunky.  

"Holy hero worship!  It's the BARK KNIGHT!"

..........

Wow.  I suddenly have a really good feeling about this final candidate, viewers...

Has our hero finally found the perfect sidekick candidate?  Will Spunky have objections to possibly wearing tights?  The answers to these and many more questions will be revealed in the next episode!  Same BARK-time, same BARK-channel!

In search of a sidekick

Hey, what's up, dogs?  Er...I mean...ahem. 

I AM THE BARK KNIGHT! 

 

 Yes, it is I...the Masked Mutt...the Canine Crusader...crimefighter extraordinaire, friend to law-abiding citizens, and scourge of common criminals.

You know what?  I've realized that this town is too big for just one hero to patrol at any given time.  What I need is a sidekick.  Unfortunately, I have no idea how to recruit a sidekick.  How does one go about this kind of thing?   

Maybe I should search online...

...or place an ad in the paper?...

 

I guess we'll see what kind of responses I get.  Anybody have any other recruiting ideas?...

See you next time!

 

Crime on the rise...who will help?

Hey, what's up, dogs? 

You know, ever since my harrowing firsthand experience with crime, I've been paying more attention to crime reports on the news.  It seems like things are really out of control.  The police are strapped for manpower and resources...they can only be in so many places at once.  So a lot of people need help that they're not getting. 

This makes me kind of sad.  And kind of mad.  Someone should really do something about this.  Someone should stand up for ordinary citizens.  Someone should...

Wait a minute. 

If I've learned anything during my life as a dog, it's this:  If you want to bury a bone, you'd better do it yourself.

And hey, I already have a costume, so I'm all set:

The BARK KNIGHT has risen!  Beware, evildoers everywhere! 

Happy Halloween!

Hey, what's up, dogs?  Just a quick post to wish you all a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!  

Here's a picture of my costume.  This year I decided to dress up as...THE "BARK" KNIGHT.

 

Apparently it was well received.  A few days ago, Jerry and Ben notified me that I'd won a prize in their Annual Halloween Costume Contest!  Thanks very much guys!   

Hope everybody has a very fun and very safe Halloween this year...