Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Und vee're back!...

Guten Tag, my friends, und vellcome!  Vonce again, zis is Professor Dogmund Freud, Dogtor of Psychology und therapist und friend to troubled dogs everyvair. 
It has been some time since vee last met, ja?  Perhaps you may be interested in zee verk I haf done since our last meetingk.  My client must, of course, remain unnamed, but I am currently verking vith a blue-skinned canine who is tormented by zee memories of his lost love, zee mysterious "Clementine."  He simply cannot go a single day vithout singingk a sad song in her memory.  A terrible thingk, ja?

...But I digress.  Today it seems vee haf a new client, Mr. Patch Benjamin Dog.  He has graciously agreed to permit recording of his therapy sessions, in zee hope zat his experiences may help other troubled dogs everyvair.

How are you today, Mr. Patch?

"G-good, thanks, Doc." 
I sense zat you are somevat nervous. 
"Y-yeah, I guess you could say that.  A-actually, that's part of why I'm here today."

Vell, you haf come to zee right place.  Vhy don't you lie down und get comfortable?  Und vennever you are ready, tell me your concerns.
"Okay...(ooo,this is a nice soft pillow).  Anyway...the reason I'm here, Doc, is because...well, to put it plainly, I'm a scaredy-dog."

I see.  Zis is a self-diagnosis? 

"Yes, sir."

Tell me how you came to zis conclusion.

"Well, I'm just...afraid of everything."

I see.  Can you gif me an example?

"Well, um...the most recent example was when my friends and I were picking out a movie to watch together.  I was too scared of the movies they wanted to watch."

Mmm-hmm.  Und if I may ask, vat movies zid zey vant to vatch?

"Well, Spunky wanted to watch Aliens."

My goodness.  Zat is a VERY scary film, Patch.

"You think so?"

Ja, ja.  I zink your reaction vas not so unusual.  But let's examine zis further, shall vee?  Can you gif me another example?

"Well...there was that time that Droopy was kidnapped, and we had to go to the docks at midnight to deliver the ransom...if Spunky and Grandpa hadn't been there with a flashlight, I would've run away screaming."

My goodnessAgain, zat sounds like a situation vich vood frighten most reasonable people. 

Patch looked hopeful.  "Really?"
Jawohl, Mr. Patch.  I zink perhaps you are being too hard on yourself.  You zink you are a "scaredy-dog," but you are only displayingk a very rational reaction to fearful stimuli.   

I vood like to suggest an alternate diagnosis.  I belief you may be an HSP.

Patch looked worried.  "HSP?  What's that?  Is that bad?"

Nein, nein.  HSP stands for Highly Sensitif Pooch, vich means you are more sensitif to criticism, loud sounds, und strong emotions zan your peers. iz very important for you to monitor zee sights und sounds you take in.
Patch looked thoughtful.  "Hmm.  That does make a lot of sense."

May I make a suggestion? 

"Of course, Doc."

Every day, try to do vun thing zat scares you.  Start very small and build up slowly.  Before long, you vill surprise yourself vith vat you are able to do.  Vill you try zis for me?

"Um...okay.  I'll try."

Sehr gut.  Vell, vee are out of time for today, but I zink vee haf made much progress.  You know how to reach me if you need me, ja?  Until our next session, zen...


  1. Thankfully Professor Dogmund Freud is on the job to help with scared dog (and stuffie) issues!

  2. I agree with J & B. Now, how would one schedule an appointment with the good doctor? Does he sykpe?

    1. He definitely needs to be a guest on a future episode of Jerry's Corner.

  3. how much does the Dogtor charge per session? does he accept insurance?