Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Bit of a hiatus...

Hey, what's up, dogs?  Just wanted to let you know that my blog updates will be slow for the next month or two.  My human is taking me on a trip (finally!), and then we're moving to a new place afterward.  So we'll be busy, busy, busy.

But never fear...I'll be back on the blog as soon as caninely possible!  Till next time...
 

Sunday, September 10, 2017

A peaceful resolution

...And so, the BARK KNIGHT and the SMALL WONDER set off for the GPS coordinates of M.E.O.W. HEADQUARTERS in KATHMANDU...

"Holy leg cramps, Bark Knight!  That was a long plane flight."

Indeed it was, Small Wonder.  Well, these are the coordinates. What a forbidding place...shall we proceed inside?


"Yeah.  Let's rescue those dog biscuits for the good of all dogkind!"

Very well then.  Forward!...
"Hey, look, Bark Knight!  That has to be..."

Yes, Small Wonder.  I believe it is none other than Katnip Evergreen, Baron von Katzenheimer's niece and assistant.  

Quietly, now.  Let's see if we can sneak past.

Katnip murmured to herself as she paged through the Evil Overlord Planner™.  "Hmmm.  What's on Uncle's schedule for today? 

'Nap.  
Repaint hideout in black. 
Send another ultimatum to P.O.U.N.D.  
Eat sardines.  
Gloat at the incompetence of dogs.  
Change Katnip's look, as it's not nearly evil enough...perhaps dye her fur black while she sleeps.'

...Wait, what?!?"

Suddenly she turned.  "Eh?  What's that?  Who's there?" 
Great Scott!  She's heard us!

The Small Wonder froze.  "Holy caught in the act, Bark Knight!" 

"Oh.  Hello," Katnip said pleasantly.  "You must be here about the dog biscuits."

"Er...yes," the Small Wonder said.  "Hand them over now, villain!

"Certainly," Katnip nodded.  She pushed the dog biscuits across the floor.

Oh.  Wow.  I, uh, wasn't expecting it to be this easy. 
Aren't you supposed to cackle evilly, monologue about your plans, and put up some sort of fight?  Or something?
Katnip sighed.  "That's my uncle's shtick.  Not mine.  To be honest, I'm glad you're here.  Uncle's plans are getting out of hand.  Now he even plans to dye my fur black.  Can you imagine?"

That sounds terrible.

"Yes, it does!  He wasn't always a villain, you know.  We used to play with balls of yarn together...tend to our catnip garden together...that hasn't happened in years.  Maybe if these dog biscuits are out of his sight, he'll forget this vendetta against dogs.  Anyway, it's worth a try.  So here, take them, with my sincere apologies."

Well, on behalf of dogs everywhere, I thank you, Katnip.  This is sure to help canine-feline foreign relations worldwide.

"I hope so.  Now you'd better go, before Uncle gets back," Katnip urged.

"Won't you be in trouble when he gets back and sees the dog biscuits are gone?" the Small Wonder asked worriedly.

"That's why I'm not hanging around," Katnip said.  "After you leave, I'm taking the first plane to St. Bernard!"

Farewell, Katnip, and good luck!  

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Happy National Dog Day!

Hey, what's up, dogs?  In case you didn't know, today is a very important holiday.  It's National Dog Day!  Hooray!
This day was created to celebrate the overall awesomeness of dogs, and also to raise awareness for shelter dogs who need good homes.   

You can find out more about National Dog Day here.

Now, if you'll pardon me, I'm going to go demand that my human show me some appreciation.  See you next time...   

Thursday, August 17, 2017

The Dog From P.O.U.N.D., part 2

"...and so, you see, I need to access your computer to pinpoint the location from which Baron von Katzenheimer hijacked your blog post," Agent Sparky finished. 

Wow.  Uh...wow.  That's a wild story.  Forgive me if this sounds a little paranoid, but...I'm going to need to see some I.D.

"Of course," Agent Sparky said immediately.  


Hmmm...okay...that looks official.  Okay, let me show you the computer.

"Thanks.  This will take just a minute, and then I'll be out of your fur.  Mmm.  Mmm.  Mmm-hmmm...."
Are all P.O.U.N.D. operatives trained computer hackers?

"Yes, we all receive intensive technology training.  I happened to be assigned because your case is in my jurisdiction.  Mmm-hmmm...almost there..."
"Aha!  We've got it!  These are the GPS coordinates from which the Baron hacked into your computer." 
 
Wow, that's great!  So now you guys can go rescue those captive dog biscuits, right?...

Agent Sparky hesitated.  "Well...theoretically, yes.  First we have to submit a report on the situation to justify funding.  Then we have to organize a team and brief them on the mission."

Wow.  That sounds like it could take quite some time.

"Indeed.  Which reminds me...have you, by any chance, seen this dog?"

Uh.  Uh, no, sorry.  Never seen him before in my life.  --Who is he? 
"He goes by The Bark Knight.  A vigilante.  My superiors hope that they can speed up the rescue mission by going through, er, unofficial channels."

Ah, yes.  That makes sense.  

Sparky went on.  "So if you happen to see anyone matching his description, please contact me right away.  We need to find him, ASAP." 
Yessir.  I'll do that.

"Very good.  Well, I'd better get this data back to HQ as soon as I can.  Thanks for your cooperation...I'll see myself out."
*door closes behind Agent Sparky*

 .....SPUNKY!!  Come here, quick!

*sound of running feet*

"(pant, pant)  What?"  Spunky gasped, as he arrived.  "What is it?  What's wrong?" 

Is your Small Wonder costume back from the cleaners?
 "Uh, yes.  Why?  What's this about?" 

Suit up, little buddy.  It's showtime for...

THE BARK KNIGHT!





Tuesday, August 1, 2017

"Dog days" postcard

Hey, what's up, dogs?  We hereby interrupt this world crisis to bring you..
 
...a postcard of Vancouver from Sandy!  He writes:  "It's hard work, supervising the humans, and every bear needs a break during the dog days of summer.  Why are they called 'dog days'?" 

Why, indeed?  I was curious as well, so I looked it up online:

"The term indicates a period between July 3 and August 11 when the Dog Star, Sirius, rises at the same time or near the same time as the sun in the Northern hemisphere." 

Wow, that's cool!  I learned something new today.  Thanks, Sandy, for the postcard and the learning opportunity!



Wednesday, July 26, 2017

The Dog From P.O.U.N.D.

Hey, what's up, dogs?  Today I wanted to tell you about a trip I took recently with---

Ding dong!

--Huh?  Somebody's at the door.  I'm not expecting any packages or visitors.  I wonder who it could be?

My human checked through the peephole and then opened the door.  (Remember, kids, you should never open the door to anyone you don't know!)

The dog on the doorstep wore sunglasses and looked very official. 

"Is this the home of Droopy W. Dog?" he asked.
Er, yes...I'm Droopy W. Dog...

"Greetings, civilian.  I'm Agent Sparky with P.O.U.N.D.--Pooches Organized for United National Defense.  There's something important I need to discuss with you.  May I come in?"
(Gulp.)  Uh, sure.  Have a seat.  Um...have I done something wrong, sir?

"No, not at all.  Actually, I'm here to ask for your help."

My help?

"Yes.  Let me explain..."

Monday, July 10, 2017

Naming the organization


"Katnip!"

"Yes, Uncle?"

"What's on my agenda for today?"

"One minute, Uncle.  Let me consult your planner.  Okay, here we are...

Today, from 9 to 10--breakfast.  
From 10 to noon--catnap in sunny windowsill.  
From noon to 1--lunch.  
From 1 to 3--catnap in sunny windowsill.
From 3 to 4--brainstorm name for evil organization.  
From 4 to 6--catnap in sunny windowsill.
And finally, from 6 to 7--dinner."

"Hmm.  That brainstorming session just cuts the whole afternoon in half.  Let's do it now and get it out of the way."

"As you wish, Uncle."


"So....a name for our evil organization, eh?"

"Yes, Uncle.  As you know, the dogs have named their organization P.O.U.N.D.--Pooches Organized for United National Defense."

"Hmmph.  Hardly impressive.  We can do better than that, Niece.  Something devastatingly clever and menacing.  Something that strikes fear into the hearts of our enemies."

"Yes, Uncle."

"What do you think of the acronym M.E.O.W.?"

"Brilliant, Uncle.  But...what would the letters stand for?"

"Well, the E and the O would stand for 'Evil' and 'Organization,' obviously."

"What about the M?"

"Hmmm...Perhaps an additional adjective that emphasizes our evilness.  Maleficent?  No, we're not Disney villains.  Malicious?  No, sounds too much like 'delicious.'  Malevolent!  Yes, I like that one.  Malevolent it is."

"Excellent choice, Uncle."

"Thank you, Niece.  So.  Malevolent Evil Organization of...uh....Whatever."

"Whatever?"

"Yes.  Whatever.  We are an all-purpose evil organization.  Whatever's evil, we do it." 

"Err...okay, Uncle.  You're the boss."

"Excellent!  Well then, Niece, I'm off to that sunny windowsill.  You know where to find me if you need me..."