Friday, June 16, 2017

P.O.U.N.D. briefing

(continued from last time...)

"I, Sergeant Spike, hereby call to order this emergency meeting of Pooches Organized for United National Defense, also known as P.O.U.N.D."

"Agents, thank you all for coming so quickly.  You have been summoned here because of a recent event that threatens the well-being of dogs everywhere.

"As you may or may not know, a few weeks ago, a feline calling himself Baron Leopold Pounce De Leon von Katzenheimer threatened the existence of a rather substantial pile of dog biscuits."

"Mon Dieu!" gasped the agent from France.  
"Indeed, Agent Fifi.  You can understand why the top brass is so concerned."

A dachshund spoke up.  "Sergeant Spike.  What do we know about this so-called Baron?" 
"Very little, Agent Digger.   We've run a search through APIS--the Automated Pawprint Identification System--and with the exception of one charge of driving under the influence of catnip, he has no prior record.

"I have here a photo of the Baron and his niece, Katnip Evergreen.  Her record is significant only for minor scratching post violations."

The next question came from the Doggsey Twins.  "Sergeant?  Do we know their location?"

The Sergeant grunted.  "Not yet.  But we have an interesting lead.  While numerous broadcast channels were hijacked during the Baron's ultimatum, our technical staff informs me that the main signal piggybacked on one specific blogger's computer IP address. 

"Here is a picture of that blogger.  We've identified him as Droopy W. Dog, a.k.a. Crocodile Dogdee, a.k.a. Drill Sergeant Droopy, a.k.a. DJ Droop Dogg. 
 
"We've also identified his home address, which just happens to be in your vicinity, Agent Sparky."  

Agent Sparky nodded.  "What do you need me to do?"

"Visit this Droopy W. Dog.  Get permission to access his computer and see if you can triangulate the source of the Baron's signal."

"On it," Agent Sparky said immediately.


"Very good.  I knew I could count on you," Sergeant Spike rumbled.  


"We're almost done here.  Just one last thing...

"Once we've found the location of the Baron, we'll still have the task of rescuing the threatened dog biscuits.  It may be dangerous.  I've asked the top brass to assemble a team, but with all the red tape involved, there's no guarantee they'll do so before the Baron's deadline.

"As much as I hate to resort to vigilante justice, we may have no choice.  Therefore...I want every one of you to search for the hero known as THE BARK KNIGHT.  He may be our only hope..."

 

Monday, June 5, 2017

An emergency meeting

In a secret underground location...

*beep beep*

(electronic female voice:) "Pawprint confirmed.  Please hold still for retinal scan."

*whirr, whirr, ka-CHINK*


(electronic female voice:)  "Identity match confirmed.  Welcome, Agent Sparky.  Doors opening.  Please proceed inside."

*swoooosh*


"Ah, there you are, Sparky.  Good--now we're all here."


"Hello, Sergeant Spike, fellow agents.  Am I late?"
 
"Not at all.  You're right on time.  Anyway, let's get started.  I, Sergeant Spike, hereby call to order this emergency meeting of Pooches Organized for United National Defense, also known as P.O.U.N.D...."

(to be continued)


Thursday, May 25, 2017

The emergence of a global menace

"--Ahem.  ATTENTION, DOGS OF THE FREE WORLD!...

"Do not attempt to adjust your televisions, computers, or other communication devices.  Your efforts will be futile, as I have hijacked all global satellite signals for the duration of this message.  

"Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Baron Leopold Pounce De Leon von Katzenheimer.  And this is my niece and production assistant, Katnip Evergreen.  Say hello, Katnip."

"Um...hi."


"You may be asking, why have I done this?  Simple.  I have done this to protest the biased portrayal of cats in the media.  Too often, movies and television serials have portrayed felines as the pets of choice for evil masterminds and lunatics around the world.  

"For an example, I refer you to Blofeld and his white cat in the James Bond series...as well as the Austin Powers franchise and Dr. Evil's 'Mr. Bigglesworth.'  There is also Mr. Tinkles, the evil feline mastermind of the movie Cats and Dogs." 

("Psst!  Niece!  Give me an extreme closeup here.")

(*sigh*  "Yes, Uncle...")


"Well, I, for one, have had enough of this biased and COMPLETELY INACCURATE portrayal of the FELINE MASTER RACE!...er, I mean, felines in general. 


"You will see here, next to me, a rather substantial pile of dog biscuits.  If my demands are not met in 48 hours, this pile of dog biscuits beside me will meet a dastardly end!"

("Um, Uncle.")

("Yes, Katnip?")

("This blog only runs once a week.")

("Oh.  Hmm.  That does complicate things...All right,
I'm feeling generous.  Instead of 48 hours, we'll make it 48 days.")

("Oh yeah....That'll light a fire under them for sure.")

("Your sarcasm is not appreciated, niece.")

("Sorry, Uncle.")


"Ahem.  I will not be ignored! Cats will have their day!  Muhaha, MUhaha, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-  *hack-gag-cough*  

"Are you all right, Uncle?"


"(cough, cough)  Dang hairballs...Yes, Katnip, I'm fine.  End transmission." 


(zzzt)



Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Hijacked transmission

(zzzzt zzzzt)

(zzzzt)

"Niece!  The transmission is still too weak. Boost the signal strength by 50 percent."

"I'm trying, Uncle...There.  I think I've got it."

(zzzzt)

(zzzt)



"Are we live?"

"Yes, Uncle.  All readings nominal.  You may proceed whenever you wish." 

"Eggggggggscellent..." 

Monday, May 1, 2017

A dog's purpose...what is it?


Hey, what's up, dogs?  My human and I browsed the bookstore recently and came across this gem.  Anybody read this book, or seen the movie?



Friday, April 21, 2017

Mail from Fantastic Mr. Fox.

Hey, what's up, dogs?  Seems all my blog friends are traveling recently.  First Jerry and Ben went off to sunny Puerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrto Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrico.

Then our pal Little Fox done gone off prospectin' in them thar rocky red hills.  Utah, to be more specific--see below.
Great postcard, LF!  Thanks!

*Ahem.*  I sure wish I could *ahem* go on a trip somewhere cool like those guys did. If only my human would *ahem* take the hint...

See you again soon!