Sunday, September 10, 2017

A peaceful resolution

...And so, the BARK KNIGHT and the SMALL WONDER set off for the GPS coordinates of M.E.O.W. HEADQUARTERS in KATHMANDU...

"Holy leg cramps, Bark Knight!  That was a long plane flight."

Indeed it was, Small Wonder.  Well, these are the coordinates. What a forbidding place...shall we proceed inside?

"Yeah.  Let's rescue those dog biscuits for the good of all dogkind!"

Very well then.  Forward!...
"Hey, look, Bark Knight!  That has to be..."

Yes, Small Wonder.  I believe it is none other than Katnip Evergreen, Baron von Katzenheimer's niece and assistant.  

Quietly, now.  Let's see if we can sneak past.

Katnip murmured to herself as she paged through the Evil Overlord Planner™.  "Hmmm.  What's on Uncle's schedule for today? 

Repaint hideout in black. 
Send another ultimatum to P.O.U.N.D.  
Eat sardines.  
Gloat at the incompetence of dogs.  
Change Katnip's look, as it's not nearly evil enough...perhaps dye her fur black while she sleeps.'

...Wait, what?!?"

Suddenly she turned.  "Eh?  What's that?  Who's there?" 
Great Scott!  She's heard us!

The Small Wonder froze.  "Holy caught in the act, Bark Knight!" 

"Oh.  Hello," Katnip said pleasantly.  "You must be here about the dog biscuits."

"Er...yes," the Small Wonder said.  "Hand them over now, villain!

"Certainly," Katnip nodded.  She pushed the dog biscuits across the floor.

Oh.  Wow.  I, uh, wasn't expecting it to be this easy. 
Aren't you supposed to cackle evilly, monologue about your plans, and put up some sort of fight?  Or something?
Katnip sighed.  "That's my uncle's shtick.  Not mine.  To be honest, I'm glad you're here.  Uncle's plans are getting out of hand.  Now he even plans to dye my fur black.  Can you imagine?"

That sounds terrible.

"Yes, it does!  He wasn't always a villain, you know.  We used to play with balls of yarn together...tend to our catnip garden together...that hasn't happened in years.  Maybe if these dog biscuits are out of his sight, he'll forget this vendetta against dogs.  Anyway, it's worth a try.  So here, take them, with my sincere apologies."

Well, on behalf of dogs everywhere, I thank you, Katnip.  This is sure to help canine-feline foreign relations worldwide.

"I hope so.  Now you'd better go, before Uncle gets back," Katnip urged.

"Won't you be in trouble when he gets back and sees the dog biscuits are gone?" the Small Wonder asked worriedly.

"That's why I'm not hanging around," Katnip said.  "After you leave, I'm taking the first plane to St. Bernard!"

Farewell, Katnip, and good luck!  


  1. Katnip. Your going to Ohio? On behalf of canines everywhere Thank You.

  2. Overworked and underpaid underlings, that's how it usually works.