In a secret underground location...
*beep beep*
(electronic female voice:) "Pawprint confirmed. Please hold still for retinal scan."
*whirr, whirr, ka-CHINK*
(electronic female voice:) "Identity match confirmed. Welcome, Agent Sparky. Doors opening. Please proceed inside."
*swoooosh*
"Ah, there you are, Sparky. Good--now we're all here."
"Hello, Sergeant Spike, fellow agents. Am I late?"
"Not at all. You're right on time. Anyway, let's get started. I, Sergeant Spike, hereby call to order this emergency meeting of Pooches Organized for United National Defense, also known as P.O.U.N.D...."
(to be continued)
"--Ahem. ATTENTION, DOGS OF THE FREE WORLD!...
"Do not attempt to adjust your televisions, computers, or other communication devices. Your efforts will be futile, as I have hijacked all global satellite signals
for the duration of this message.
"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Baron Leopold Pounce De Leon von Katzenheimer. And this is my niece and production assistant, Katnip Evergreen. Say hello, Katnip."
"Um...hi."
"You may be asking, why have I done this? Simple. I
have done this to protest the biased portrayal of cats in the media.
Too often, movies and television serials have portrayed felines as the
pets of choice for evil masterminds and lunatics around the world.
"For
an example, I refer you to Blofeld and his white cat in the James Bond
series...as well as the Austin Powers franchise and Dr. Evil's 'Mr.
Bigglesworth.' There is also Mr. Tinkles, the evil feline
mastermind of the movie Cats and Dogs."
("Psst! Niece! Give me an extreme closeup here.")
(*sigh* "Yes, Uncle...")
"Well, I, for one, have had enough of this biased and COMPLETELY INACCURATE portrayal of the FELINE MASTER RACE!...er, I mean, felines in general.
"You will see here, next to me, a rather substantial pile of dog biscuits. If my demands are not met in 48 hours, this pile of dog biscuits beside me will meet a dastardly end!"
("Um, Uncle.")
("Yes, Katnip?")
("This blog only runs once a week.")
("Oh. Hmm. That does complicate things...All right,
I'm feeling generous. Instead of 48 hours, we'll make it 48 days.")
("Oh yeah....That'll light a fire under them for sure.")
("Your sarcasm is not appreciated, niece.")
("Sorry, Uncle.")
"Ahem. I will not be ignored! Cats will have their day! Muhaha, MUhaha, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- *hack-gag-cough*
"Are you all right, Uncle?"
"(cough, cough) Dang hairballs...Yes, Katnip, I'm fine. End transmission."
(zzzt)
(zzzzt zzzzt)
(zzzzt)
"Niece! The transmission is still too weak. Boost the signal strength by 50 percent."
"I'm trying, Uncle...There. I think I've got it."
(zzzzt)
(zzzt)
"Are we live?"
"Yes, Uncle. All readings nominal. You may proceed whenever you wish."
"Eggggggggscellent..."
Hey, what's up, dogs? My human and I browsed the bookstore recently and came across this gem. Anybody read this book, or seen the movie?
Hey, what's up, dogs? Seems all my blog friends are traveling recently. First Jerry and Ben went off to sunny Puerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrto Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrico.
Then our pal Little Fox done gone off prospectin' in them thar rocky red hills. Utah, to be more specific--see below.
Great postcard, LF! Thanks!
*Ahem.* I sure wish I could *ahem* go on a trip somewhere cool like those guys did. If only my human would *ahem* take the hint...
See you again soon!
Hey, what's up, dogs? (Please don't say "the ceiling"...after all, the comedy contest is over...)
I'm here to announce that LITTLE FOX has won the 2017 K-9 Comedy Contest! This was his winning photo entry:
Very true, LF. I wonder why that is? Perhaps because the first phrase makes a catchier song title? I'm not sure. *shrug*
Anyway...congratulations, Little Fox! I will be sending your prize package as soon as possible. See you soon, everybody...and until we meet again, stay funny!
