"Do not attempt to adjust your televisions, computers, or other communication devices. Your efforts will be futile, as I have hijacked all global satellite signals for the duration of this message.
"Um...hi."
"You may be asking, why have I done this? Simple. I have done this to protest the biased portrayal of cats in the media. Too often, movies and television serials have portrayed felines as the pets of choice for evil masterminds and lunatics around the world.
"For an example, I refer you to Blofeld and his white cat in the James Bond series...as well as the Austin Powers franchise and Dr. Evil's 'Mr. Bigglesworth.' There is also Mr. Tinkles, the evil feline mastermind of the movie Cats and Dogs."
("Psst! Niece! Give me an extreme closeup here.")
(*sigh* "Yes, Uncle...")
"Well, I, for one, have had enough of this biased and COMPLETELY INACCURATE portrayal of the FELINE MASTER RACE!...er, I mean, felines in general.
"You will see here, next to me, a rather substantial pile of dog biscuits. If my demands are not met in 48 hours, this pile of dog biscuits beside me will meet a dastardly end!"
("Yes, Katnip?")
("This blog only runs once a week.")
("Oh. Hmm. That does complicate things...All right,
I'm feeling generous. Instead of 48 hours, we'll make it 48 days.")
("Oh yeah....That'll light a fire under them for sure.")
("Your sarcasm is not appreciated, niece.")
("Sorry, Uncle.")
"Ahem. I will not be ignored! Cats will have their day! Muhaha, MUhaha, MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- *hack-gag-cough*
"Are you all right, Uncle?"
"(cough, cough) Dang hairballs...Yes, Katnip, I'm fine. End transmission."
(zzzt)
